He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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