I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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