I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize