what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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