I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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