went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I am naked and annoyed.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize