I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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