I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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