I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
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I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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