You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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