i need an iv and a liver transplant
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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