So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
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Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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