Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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