I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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