My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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