currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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