God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Couch. On fire.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize