Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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