My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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