I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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