They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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