my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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