Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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