Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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