i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wish my penis had a tongue
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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