I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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