SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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