we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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