Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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