just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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