I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
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Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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