Ambien. No doubt about it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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