I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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