If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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