I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
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I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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