I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
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I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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