Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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