it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
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U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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