I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize