When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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