I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They have beer where we have blood.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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