Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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