Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize