Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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