Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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