Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If that was your dad, he is hot
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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