So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
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The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
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WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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