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I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
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