the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize