At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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